All in Adoptive Mom

Categories of Openness in Adoption

In 2014 I figured a closed adoption was all I’d be willing to be a part of. It would be too confusing for a child to have BOTH families in their life. What if they tried to kidnap MY kid back?? I was sure I knew all about it.

Then I started reading & educating myself. LOL joke was on me because really quickly I realized my (falsely placed) confidence in what I “knew” was...so off.

My Kids Demand My Healing

“We don’t support adopting {an infant} while pregnant. If you’re pregnant, agencies won’t allow you to adopt. Virtual twinning is frowned upon.”

We had driven an hour to her Beaverton office for our final home study visit. We’d soon receive our official home study license & immediately submit our applications to 5 agencies across the nation + apply for a number of grants. 3 days later I’d test ➕ for pregnancy.

My Freeze Response

My throat physically closes in on itself when asked or trying to be truly vulnerable & state my deepest needs. I find myself rubbing my neck, trying to squeeze the air through, sure the unsafe space is going to choke me. My whole body feels heavy and empty all at once, I want to dissolve into thin air and escape, hoping my inability to speak will make me invisible. I’d categorize this as the freeze response.

Listen To Adoptees

All the moms I know would do anything necessary for their kids. If they needed to take a bullet, they would. If they need to skip meals in order to make sure their kids bellies get full, they do. We want to give our kids everything they need to brave living.

So when an entire generation of adoptees are shouting “Listen to me, here is my voice & experiences & pain,” I think “Wow, I want to listen & learn & do better. I want to understand.”

Brotherhood Bond Defying Societal Standards

They smash any belief that brothers must share blood. Their brotherhood bond defies societal standards, on the daily.

They re-entered their part time daycare/preschool and their teacher asked me if they ever fight at home 😂😂 I stared at her shocked, perplexed, but then I smiled because isnt that what we want?! For our kids not to behave like terrorists in the outside world? 😂 if you watched our home you’d see them fighting and kicking and spitting and yelling and crying A LOT.