How Do I Respond To Comments As An Adoptive or Foster Parent?

When I had 5 kids, 4 of them biracial/Black, I was constantly given opportunities to practice responding to comments & questions.

Before fostering, we’d be out & about living life like the regular people we are with two infants who appeared to be around the same age but not the same race, and this also forced us to strengthen the way we responded to (cringeworthy and “well-intended”) statements + questions. Invasive questions.

I cannot say this enough & will continue shouting it so foster, adoptive, and non-foster/adoptive moms all get on the same page: We 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 not 👏🏻 saviors, heroes, saints. We are not rescuing.

We are regular. Loving kids not born to us — whether thru adoption, foster care, step/bonus — is not hard. It does not make us “good people.”

Early on, before my boys could even comprehend what people are saying / implying / asking, I committed to keeping my child’s comfort & protection the priority. This meant sometimes coming off as rude or “un open” or unwilling to talk; but if someone can’t respect a boundary around my child’s intimate details & identity, they’re unsafe for my child. That stems from entitlement and nobody, NO BODY, is entitled to our kids stories/details.

Our kids are not harder to love, even if they come with challenges. Imagine living in their tiny bodies having to navigate how to simply survive.

Before getting defensive, I’m here to let you know I’m sure I also saw foster/adoptive parents with rose colored glasses long before I decided to venture into this world. Let’s just keep being willing to see how our words & assumptions are harmful & problematic.

It’s not cancel culture: it’s boundary & protective culture.

It’s respect. It’s thinking before speaking, of the weight of our words.

We got this, mamas. Our kids are worth us being firm in how we respond & educate others 🤍

Ps. Slide four response 3 I missed the word NOT. “...excuse NOT to stand in the gap”