How Being An Enneagram Four Shows Up As An Adoptive Parent

I can tend to overwhelm my kids with heavier emotions & realities. It’s something I have to pay really close attention to, intentionally mother in the tension of honesty + age-appropriate conversations.

When they ask if or why I’m sad, I rarely say “I’m fine;” I explain age-appropriately what is upsetting me. It’s important kids know adults get sad too; it’s also important not to teach kids to suppress their emotions by responding with “I’m fine” when you clearly arent. That’s setting them up for the inability to connect inside relationships.

Because being blunt about how I’m feeling is natural for me, I have noticed at times my 4 & 5 year olds worry when they shouldn’t. They too are navigating how to be a person. I do not want them to feel as tho they’re responsible for my emotional well-being; I do want them to learn empathy & also have freedom to express their own emotions.

I invite a lot of conversations about adoption, missing siblings, different losses they’ve had...when maybe right then they just want to play with their dinosaurs & magnatiles 😅

A strength as an #enneagramfour is the natural inclination to validate my children’s emotions, empower them to be honest about their experiences.

A struggle as an #enneagramfour is over identifying with emotions, spiraling deeper into heaviness.

Shame works really hard in my life. Mistakes I make as a parent or otherwise can pull me into depression & downward spiral FAST. I’ve had to learn how to remain grounded, & teach myself + my kids our mistakes can serve a purpose, instead of serve shame.

The enneagram has been an impactful tool for me in spotting specific patterns; it has given me a window into myself, seeing damaging cycles. To me, this is freedom, this is healing.

I’m wondering: do you know your enneagram type? Have you dug into your own patterns using the enneagram? Are you interested in it?