Categories of Openness in Adoption

In 2014 I figured a closed adoption was all I’d be willing to be a part of. It would be too confusing for a child to have BOTH families in their life. What if they tried to kidnap MY kid back?? I was sure I knew all about it.

Then I started reading & educating myself. LOL joke was on me because really quickly I realized my (falsely placed) confidence in what I “knew” was...so off.

Fast forward a few months. Early 2015 we begin talking with an infant adoption consultant, sharing the idea of anything but closed still sort of scared us. She said many people come to this journey feeling that way, but as we continue to educate ourselves we see that in fact, a totally closed adoption provides less space for fullest healing.

She mentioned “semi-open” adoption & I was intrigued. It felt safer. An in-between. Still distant enough. That felt comfortable (for me).

But as we walked one step at a time on our journey to our son, meeting him at 2 days old only 5 months before birthing our second son, my understanding grew. Desires shifted from my comfort to his rights + wholeness.

I handed his birth mom my email address before the most painful parting. Soon enough we became Facebook friends & exchanged cells.

I did the awkward & terrifying thing of reaching out to his birth father, then aunts, grandmas, and thru my own little PI self I found the adoptive parents of some siblings.

It can feel scary, feel like breaking rules even; but what drives me is the desire to offer my son whoever and whatever he needs.

I want to ensure he has access to all the pieces of himself, if & when he desires.

I could chat all about pieces of this; it’s so complex, too complex for tiny squares & character limits.

So tell me: what has your process been like in regards to openness in adoption? Not the specifics of your child’s adoption but your heart posture? Your understanding? Are you in the process of adopting or already adopted?

-Natalie Kristeen