A single mom to three boys working hard to live my truest life. I hope as I share the beauty, the gratitude, the grief, the hard…you find inspiration + hope to show up to your life as honestly as possible.
Is my family broken? A word on divorce + broken families
“…a broken family..” i don’t remember the words surrounding what this pastor said, but I sure as hell remember him referring to any “non-2-parent-heterosexual family” as broken.
Divorced parents? Broken.
Single parent by choice? Broken.
Queer parents? Broken.
Non-traditional? Broken.
Essay: Hard Decisions As A Single Mom
We are packing up our monumental duplex on the corner & moving out.
I’ve been part of a home buying program here in my city & even tho I recorded (& reported) every last penny I brought in last year, it is still not enough when you look at the debt in my name.
What I Wish More Non-Adoptive Parents Knew
When we were called about a baby boy born a few states over, his mama looking for The Couple that clicked *them* in her soul…
…I could not have imagined the years to come of intense unlearning & relearning, humbling & growing, & the deepest love I’ve ever experienced.
Essay: My Son's Life Isn't A Sin
When I was pregnant with him, he was referred to as a “sin” so many times. Sure, “they were referring to sex outside of marriage as a sin,” but the product of sin is brokenness & Kahlil is anything BUT broken.
On My Ten Year Wedding Anniversary: If You Would Have Told Me
If you would have told me
my marriage would end in divorce,
I would have laughed in your face.
Or that
on my ten year wedding anniversary
I’d be working from home
alone
no husband coming home
my children in his separate home,
I would have probably called you a liar.
How To Date Yourself As A Single Person (and why it's important!)
You hear this all the time once you’ve become single: “Just date yourself!” Or someone asks a single person, “are you dating?” And she says “Myself!”
I don’t know if anyone else has sat down & dissected what this truly can be and mean to ourselves, but I sure have.
Christian + Purity Culture Groomed Me For Abuse
Christianity set many of us up for unhealth inside marriage.
Is this every Christian-culture-raised person’s story? No.
Is it too many? Yes.
Is it possible many haven’t even processed this could be your story? Of course: because… then what?
The obsession of many of our adolescence was sexual purity & dating to marry.
Reframes for the mom who left her kids dad
In my manuscript I wrote this line, then I sat & felt the sorrow of it:
“I loved him then & I love him now; but love is not enough on this broken earth and that is the most tragic lesson I have learned this far.”
It seems to be a lesson I keep relearning over & over.
Healing is not becoming the best version of yourself
Not only letting other people love the worst versions of myself, but allowing MYSELF to love the worst versions of me.
Also allowing myself to love versions of my physical body that feel foreign, as my physical body has changed drastically over the years.
Myth: If you save yourself for marriage, your sex life will be great
Whether or not you have sex before you’re married has absolutely nothing to do with how your sex life is while married.
Can you even believe that?
Because I sure haven’t for the majority of my life.
Reframe your thoughts about divorce + break ups
Reframes can sound cliche, but the ✨power✨ of actually creating + speaking specific reframes to yourself is immeasurable.
Much of my own healing has happened through the long-game work of finding the deeply seeded HARMFUL and untrue beliefs (lies) in my mind, body, heart and then creating reframes specific to those lies.
Talking to our kids about the hard, ugly parts of life
Adoption stories. Family structural shifts (divorce & break ups). Distance between family members. Racism. Sexism. LGBTQIA+. “Boys who are pregnant.” How baby’s are made. Therapy. Sadness & anger.
Honestly whatever topic they bring to me, I don’t just shovel out answers or cliches or half truths.
Conversation Starters for Vulnerable Topics
“I want to share something with you, but it’s a really hard thing for me to share. Are you able to hold space for me?”
“I have something I need to talk about with you, but being vulnerable is scary for me. Are you in a place you can hear my heart?”
Turning 30 In 2 Days
The overwhelming thing standing out to me in my first 30 years of life is: we have to understand, know, and love ourselves first and foremost if we want to be able to love + serve + SEE other people for who they are, without shame. The stripping + shedding of shame has been the work of my 20's and I'm sure it will continue.
There is so much more to life than all the boxes we have been given to live in and chase.
