How Do I Respond To White Saviorism Complex Comments? In Adoption + Foster Care

I believe part of the responsibility as foster & adoptive parents is helping change the narrative; for our kids. Lonnggg ago we created a narrative of saving & rescuing children from the Big Bad Wolf Parents, scooping them up meeting our own want & desire to become parents.

Because this narrative painted us (typically white) adoptive & foster parents as saviors / rescuers, we inherently felt as though our children owed us their gratitude, unwavering acceptance & loyalty, perfect behaviors, and affection. When that didn’t happen because 1. children don’t do that no matter who is raising them, 2. trauma trauma trauma, and 3. this is an unacceptable dynamic we’ve created... society scoffed and snickered at these kids. Painted them as “trouble kids.” Damaged. Ruined. How dare they act out & be ANYTHING but grateful when their generous parents went out, scooped them out of their misery, and rescued them?

Ahhh typing all that made my stomach twist. I hope reading it did the same to you.

For the sake of our kids well-being and the truth of their stories, for their birth parents who are not villains or inherently evil but typically struggling because of generational trauma that trapped them too, let’s work on responding to these misconstrued notions.

It’s okay to say, “I’m so grateful to be this child’s parent. I love my child SO much.” AND follow it up with “But I am not their savior or rescuer and their birth family is not evil.”

I find when I respond first with, “I know you’re saying this with good intentions, but for the sake of all the people including YOU, I’m going to explain why I hope you never say it again to me or anyone.” And explain it.

People don’t like feeling attacked; we’re all a little fragile 😅 so I explain that I see their heart, but let me help them see mine & the situation more clearly. Clarity brings healing for us all.

Anyone else have different responses? Always open to learning & hearing how to do better for our kids.

When we do better for our kids, we do better for us all. There’s no such thing as one way liberation ♥️