My Kids Demand My Healing

“We don’t support adopting {an infant} while pregnant. If you’re pregnant, agencies won’t allow you to adopt. Virtual twinning is frowned upon.”

We had driven an hour to her Beaverton office for our final home study visit. We’d soon receive our official home study license & immediately submit our applications to 5 agencies across the nation + apply for a number of grants. 3 days later I’d test ➕ for pregnancy.

When she told us to be cautious about virtual twinning, something in me knew that was going to happen in our family.

When my test showed a ➕, I was convinced I’d miscarry anyways.

But when I was 20 weeks pregnant, a woman birthed a perfect baby boy & searched thru a dozen fam profiles coming up short until Emilie showed her a photo of L & I from a text message. “That’s them. That’s my sons parents.”

I told Emilie to ensure she knew I was 5 months pregnant. To that, this woman said it only confirmed that we are his. She was thrilled he’d have a brother close in age.

It wasn’t L or I that was “the best gift his birth mom chose for him.” It was a brother. A best friend. His person to go thru the treacherous & beautiful journey ahead.

Virtual twinning DOES have challenges. Identity struggles showing up often. But any adoption does; there are added layers to be aware of in virtual twinning.

They make me crazy & they make my heart full. They push every button I didn’t know I had, & they inspire me to understand humanity on levels many people tend to avoid.

Becoming theirs has been the greatest gift, challenge, and transformative journey of my life.

They don’t exist to heal me or fill a need in my life.

I exist in their life to help them heal, navigate personhood, know He is with them, & hopefully grow into healthy thriving men who care about themselves and others.

I want to empower them to be their full selves, freely.

I realize now more than ever this demands I myself must be fully myself...freely. Healing is my duty.

What a gift they have given me in simply existing.