Myth: If you save yourself for marriage, your sex life will be great

Whether or not you have sex before you’re married has absolutely nothing to do with how your sex life is while married.

Can you even believe that?

Because I sure haven’t for the majority of my life.

At the ROOT of issues & dysfunction is undealt with shame & trauma.

Often that shame itself creates trauma.

Trauma responses & shame manifestation can include: shutting down / having sensitive “brakes” to libido; feeling gross or dirty after/during sex; not wanting to be seen naked by your spouse (or even yourself); not being able to talk to your partner about what feels good, what hurts, what you want to explore. The list goes on.

These responses & struggles happen inside MANY marriages who waited until marriage to have sex.

That can be really, really confusing.

For many of us, the repetitive teachings & messaging from purity culture has created an actual PTSD-like response inside us, even if we were “virgins on our wedding night.”

So no.

What makes a great, thriving sex life is not what your body has or hasn’t done outside of marriage.

A sex-life can be great, mediocre, terrible, or abusive regardless of your experiences before marriage.

What I’m NOT saying is if you waited, your sex-life sucks. What I AM saying is that our sex-life & really to sex + sexuality is farrrr more nuanced and complex than that.

A number of factors play into it and one of the most important & healing things you can do is get to the roots of all your beliefs (lies or truths).

*worth noting that sexual abuse/trauma DOES affect a person & requires a patient, loving, safe partner*

If you are looking for someone to do that with, hop into my dms & let’s chat ✨I’m not a therapist.

I have walked alongside a multitude of women as they unpack their beliefs about their bodies + sex, and how purity culture affected that.