Reframes for the mom who left her kids dad
Reframes I’ve been working into my heart + mind over the years.
It’s not easy or fun nor does it feel natural or even “right” leaving a relationship w/ someone you love.
In my manuscript I wrote this line, then I sat & felt the sorrow of it:
“I loved him then & I love him now; but love is not enough on this broken earth and that is the most tragic lesson I have learned this far.”
It seems to be a lesson I keep relearning over & over.
We’re told from all angles that leaving a significant relationship or marriage —especially with kids— is selfish.
We’re told we’re hurting everyone else, especially the kids, & it’s better for the kids if we stay.
But what if we reframed these ideas by digging beneath the surface of the frame?
What if remaining in toxicity & unsafe spaces is harming them?
Their idea of what love & marriage is comes from the primary adults in their lives: is it a relationship you’d want them to repeat?
What if we teach them AS they grow how to trust themselves & not idolize marriage over their own wholeness/health?
What if leaving THE RELATIONSHIP w/ your kid’s father is less about destroying the family & more about showing your kids they deserve a true lovefilled life?
& also YOU: reparenting your inner child.
Its not selfish to leave after doing what you can to repair…but is actually loving. You, them, him.
If he changes into all you dreamed after you leave— thats further confirmation you needed to leave.
Losing you is what it took for him to seek help & growth. & yes, you get to be devastated because that IS a loss.
You never know what the future holds, but you are in charge of making decisions for yourself in the present.
If he doesn’t heal/grow, that’s further proof he does not share your goals of pursuing growth + healing, and remaining in that partnership would only perpetuate pain + isolation.
Starting over is clunky. Hard. Painful. Confusing. Terrifying. Exciting, too.
It’s been less “starting over” and more a Moving Forward, choosing to be true to myself and the abundant life God made me to live.
There’s far more space to explore the fullness of my wholeness, not being in a relationship suffocating who I was made to be.
