A Hill I'll Die On

First & foremost I’d like to make it unendingly clear that I hold very little against the man/men who have harmed me sexually.

I am a *firm* believer that the culture we were raised in groomed us both equally, for unhealthy & dysfunctional relationships.

The culture & religion of Christianity set many of us up for absolute unhealth in regards to marriage.

Is this every 90’s Christian-culture-raised person’s story? No. Is it too many? Yes. Is it likely many haven’t even processed this might be your story? Of course: because… then what?

The focus on our adolescence was sexual purity & dating only to marry.

What do we do now that we’ve woken up to the absolute harmful way we were taught?

We look at it.

We name it.

We understand it.

We ask God to show us His heart for intimacy, sex, marriage & partnership, us individually.

And then we do better for our kids.

If we are not willing to look at the ways the Bible & God was used to harm us, how will we heal & learn to feel safe with God?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my kids to feel the amount of shame I always have simply standing naked. Alone. Just me & a mirror.

I don’t want my boys to believe their wife owes him her body 🤢

I don’t want my boys to believe they get a pass on being emotionally intelligent & nurturing individuals in a partnership.

If I’m hopeful to raise them this way..it means I better not be settling for these things. You’re worth more too.

Our kids are watching & listening, their view of the world & relationships are developing and forming.

This week I explained to them dating & how I noticed I’m not in a place to do that. They asked so many questions! So many. We talked about a lot & who knows what they actually understand at 5, BUT the point is making it natural to talk about our human journey.

My most present human journey is working to get my mind, body, & soul to believe my body & energy & time belongs to nobody but myself.

Even if I were to ever find myself in a partnership or marriage: I don’t believe God intends for our bodies to be used to “meet the needs of a spouse” *before* the heart & mental needs are met first.

That’s where ima stand, a hill I’ll die on.