Is my family broken? A word on divorce + broken families

“…a broken family..” i don’t remember the words surrounding what this pastor said, but I sure as hell remember him referring to any “non-2-parent-heterosexual family” as broken.

Divorced parents? Broken.

Single parent by choice? Broken.

Queer parents? Broken.

Non-traditional? Broken.

He said it with ease, strung seamlessly with other words, a blanket statement cloaking all non-traditional families as *broken.*

A give-in, a no-brainer.

Sometimes I forget HOW conditioned we are to remain in:
abusive (many forms),
unhealthy,
toxic,
dysfunctional,
unhappy,
unfulfilling
marriages.
Partnerships.
Relationships.

I sat in a room full of mostly single parents, & listened to this pastor/author talk about how you can really only be the ideal *godly* parent if your family isn’t “broken” —aka if your family IS Husband-Wife-Kids, period— I looked around when he nonchalantly furthered this oppressive false belief.

Nobody seemed to blink.
We’ve been groomed for this.

& I won’t shut up:

You can be a WHOLE parent as a single parent.

More whole than you would have been, had you stayed in a patriarchal marriage with the opposite-sex because that’s what you were told is the goal.

You can be a much healthier —mentally, emotionally, spiritually more stable…& I’m working my ass off to get to financially stable— parent as a SINGLE, DIVORCED, even QUEER parent.

My family is the least broken that it’s been, no matter the lies + twisted stories of others.

I will stare any m person in their face and tell them without a single doubt or flicker in my eye:

🏹 Leave the marriage that forces you to repress & numb your true self.

🏹 Leave the relationship that harms you in your core, likely in ways you may not be fully aware of UNTIL you leave.

🏹 Move out of the house with the person you’ve created this beautiful family with, if it is not safe for you to be you, if it is not FOR you, if it is not safe (even emotionally) for your children.

🏹You can be a GREAT parent, even w/o someone standing in as a husband/partner. For me it’s ESPECIALLY w/o someone.

🏹Fly, friend.

We have one life.

You’re worth MORE than shrinking yourself to fit into boxes you were never meant to be in.