A single mom to three boys working hard to live my truest life. I hope as I share the beauty, the gratitude, the grief, the hard…you find inspiration + hope to show up to your life as honestly as possible.
All in Adoption
We have the privilege of raising virtual twins. We call them “almost twins,” “twins of sorts,” or “twiblings.” What this means is: two siblings who are not biologically related, whose ages are within 9 months of one another, and are made siblings by adoption or birth.
Raising virtual twins is all I know when it comes to raising kids; I have a group of mama’s who are walking this journey with me who have helped me piece together the hard, the unique, and the joy of it all.
As she placed our tiny new son into my arms, the boy we both love endlessly as mamas who will do anything, a disbelief and shock washed over me. We get to be his?
It was really a moment where my soul sighed a relief, that I finally rested in the reality that we had found the two people we had been waiting and praying for: our son and his first mama.
It was a Wednesday when I saw our adoption agency's website posting about a baby boy that was born earlier that morning a few states east, needing a family as soon as possible.
My heart throbbed and pumped blood of hope, but as my eyes landed on some of the legal parts of the situation, I slumped away from the computer and made breakfast, feeling defeated and quite a bit hopeless. Adoption is hard. Waiting in hard. This is only the beginning, the waiting, and it is hard.
Dear Sage;
My heart can hardly handle that you're a year old.
As I selected the image above, I spent a moment soaking in its pure sweetness as tears steeped and my soul sat in suspension. That moment captured up there? It is in my top three moments of life. Documented to cherish for the rest of my life. In these first few moments of meeting you, my soul saw you and it sort of went, "Oh, there you are."
When Rebecca told Jack repetitively that they need to be enough for little man Randall, her aches and longings are real and valid and I know many adoptive families who feel the same way...but honestly? We aren't enough. She isn't enough. That is the thing: we cannot force ourselves as humans to be enough.
I did not know adoption was meant to split you wide open, revealing the ugliest and most radiant parts of you all at once.
Another Christmas passed without expectation of or the existence of little toes to kiss, bellies to tickle, tears to soothe, and the next cold January arrived all too quickly.
The pregnancy test confirmed a heart wrenching reality to you: positive.
There in your womb resides a precious, so cherished, tender life. You love the life growing inside of you, no matter how unexpected and unplanned he or she was. Just as any mama, you crave to your core the very best for your baby.
Anytime we chose pride, fear, or entitlement, we found ourselves in a place of anger or deep devastation. We found ourselves feeling as though something was taken from us; the problem with that was: it wasn’t ours to begin with.
To My Son’s Birth Dad:
We have not met yet. I add the word “yet” with caution for my heart as well as my son’s: what if we never have the privilege of meeting you? The sadness that wells in my soul when I recognize the possibility that we may never meet you, in flesh or virtually, grieves me in a way I never saw coming.
Today I am sharing an amazing resource! If you are hoping to adopt, if you have adopted, if you think about adoption or have friends/family who have adopted, this website is worth taking a few minutes to poke around.
With what seems to be a perpetual battle of “Black Lives Matter” and “All Lives Matter” filling my social media feeds, my small family of four has stepped up its game ten fold to celebrate my son’s race.
“When you were deciding to place me for adoption, did you wonder if I would resent you?” Samantha asks her biological mother while visiting her across the country.
“Yes. I still do.” Debbie responded with honesty.
Once the first onslaught of prying questions have been thrown at us and we think the conversation has come to a close, a slue of hurt is hurled in the form of more ignorant questions: “Was his real mom young and on drugs?” “Did you get pregnant after you adopted?” “Did you adopt because you couldn’t get pregnant?” “How much did he cost?” And so-on the hurtful, misinformed, and poorly worded questions are asked.
To my white friends raising white babies: will you add children's' books with people of color as heroes and caregivers and main characters? Will you help it become a normal and beautiful thing, that people with colored skin exist? Will you have conversations with your children about celebrating and seeing differentness? An easy way to do this is to diversify your children's library. There is obviously so much more to do, like diversifying our communities, but this is a step in the right direction.
Quite a few people have asked to purchase a Live Out Love shirt, which is so exciting and fun! There are t shirts, long sleeves, and tanks in multiple colors.
We never doubted this would happen. It doesn't change a thing about our feelings, our love, our commitment to him. We have been fiercely committed since the moment his First Mama chose us to be his parents. But to hear those words, "It is finished, your son is officially and legally yours," sent this mama's heart to the moon and tears gushing down her face.
Me and you have spent so many days together, smiling and giggling and crying. I have told you countless times that you are the most precious little boy, that you are my favorite little human, that you are the most handsome baby I've ever laid eyes on. Soon I won't be saying these things... it is a weird thing for me to think about. You are beyond perfect to us and we cannot imagine how our hearts could possibly break open even wider for just as much love to rush in, for another human being..tiny and perfect...your brother. But we know that's what happens...our hearts will grow and stretch wider as each child engraves him or herself into us and our family.
When she asked us if we were still pursuing fertility treatments and we said "No, but if we were to become pregnant again, we will not be stopping our adoption process," her response was one that has repeated itself in my mind a few times since it left her mouth. Mainly because in that moment, I had a feeling that what she said not to do, we would do...I had a feeling and secretly hoped it would become our crazy journey:
My dear sweet son:
There are no words that can adequately articulate the Mama-heart you have brought out in me. And what a blessing that is, you are, to me. To your dad. To this family. You have knit us closer as a family, bringing our souls more intimacy as a unit; God put it in our hearts to be a family for children, but it seems as though He has used you much more in our lives than us in yours. We are often in awe of the unending, unconditional, ceaseless love that has been poured into us to cover you - this is something your dad and I talk about regularly.
![A Website Just For You [adoption]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5850be0d03596ef94b5f7921/1481780509244-UDFV5TKY1B3UKRUK8A7L/image-asset.jpeg)
