This Bed Is My Bed - Sexual Abuse Post

This bed holds redemption. It is marks of healing, abundance. New mercies. Not just the baby asleep on it, tho he’s 💯 those things too.

While married I purchased a king sized memory foam for us. Me, my former husband, + S and I slept on it.

Unintentional sexual abuse occurred in that bed. This isn’t me bashing anyone because more than anything, I’ve been sad for us all. I see it for what it was: we were *both* groomed by purity culture for utter sexual dysfunction & abuse. He loved me & I loved him; our divorce stripped us bare (which allows healing) in ways nothing else could.

My marriage ended. I kept the bed.

Less than a year after my marriage ended I found myself once again experiencing similar sexual abuse in the same bed. But sexual abuse & assault can be so confusing, no matter how many abuse support groups you’ve been a part of or even facilitated.

When I was pregnant & ended my relationship w/ my babys father, the first thing to go was that king sized bed. I loved it; I hated it more.

I decided I’d sleep on a twin mattress & frame, which had hosted children in foster care for over 3 decades. I didn’t want room for anyone else on my bed. Just my pregnant self. Sage & Ira still made their way tho.

For most of my pregnancy & 9 months following, I hated & loved my twin bed. I’d wake up every morning thinking “I just need to get a bigger bed” but I’d go to sleep peacefully, knowing that bed was only for my body & my babies.

This bed is my bed, without any man coming in to violate my body, intentionally or unintentionally. I don’t know the stats, but I’d BET BIG MONEY most sexual abuse isn’t what we’d consider intentional.

April is sexual assault awareness month.

I am on a healing journey of believing the body God put my spirit in is sacred. I don’t owe anyone my body. Unless I say YES, the rest is no. Married or not.

I often wonder how many women are being sexually assaulted within their marriage, but are too afraid to see. Because then what?

May I raise sons who respect bodies & listen to verbal + body language: theirs & others.

Also I need sheets + a comforter so if you feel like chipping in for my bday, I accept & receive
😇🙌🏽😂💛

-Natalie Kristeen