If motherhood is anything, it is sanctifying.

I need the snuggles. Snuggles are good for me, snuggles are good for baby. Snuggles will not hurt and I will not regret them.

While the filthy floors increase their grime, the writing deadlines are shoved at the seams, and the photos are begging to be edited, I am trying so hard to enjoy every sweet snuggle in between and during and, often, instead-of.

 am tired. I cry a lot. There is a vast amount of emotions raging on any given day at any given time. But this? This is what I am doing: being mama, kissing toes, bouncing babies, singing songs, praying, reading, soothing sadness.

In talking with a mentor, Jenny, I asked her if I should feel guilty for allowing my heart to crack wide open and cherish every moment. 

I feel like it is better to at least engage, have conversation, than to keep silent. A lot of you, many of whom I consider close friends, have been eerily silent. It is interesting and telling. I am not claiming to know what is in your heart, but sometimes silence is not the answer, and can appear as neutrality."

If I told you we never get overwhelmed or never feel like we don't know what we're doing, I'd be lying. If I told you we were always overwhelmed and frustrated, I'd still be lying. We've been given a lot of sympathetic looks but the reality is: you just do it [life in general but also life with almost twins] and make it an adventure. But also sometimes the heaviness of Not Enough is too real. And I'm sure as we add kids, the Not Enough only gets more real.

"Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren’t satisfied in God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other." [Ann Voskamp]

My heart has never been so full. My satisfaction in this current state of living is high. I feel spoiled to be wife to Loren, mama to Sage, while we expect a second born boy to join us in the next...5 to 7 weeks. [Which still seems to be a nice 4 months away in my minuscule mind].

"Oh you're going to be busy..." 

Indeed. Thank you for letting me know.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been told this in the last 14 weeks since we brought Sage home. It's true, you've spoken the obvious: we are going to be busy with 2 babies under 6 months.

This post has nothing too awesome inside of it. It matters to no one, except my very soul that needed to share. It isn't a blog post I will be tweeting or instagramming about. It's just me needing to do me. Write. Sometimes we just need to do what we need to do, despite the tiredness.