All in Adoption

A Letter to My Real Son

A Letter to My Real Son

Natalie Brenner
Adoption, Mama Bear

My dear sweet son:

There are no words that can adequately articulate the Mama-heart you have brought out in me. And what a blessing that is, you are, to me. To your dad. To this family. You have knit us closer as a family, bringing our souls more intimacy as a unit; God put it in our hearts to be a family for children, but it seems as though He has used you much more in our lives than us in yours. We are often in awe of the unending, unconditional, ceaseless love that has been poured into us to cover you - this is something your dad and I talk about regularly. 

Our "Out Upon the Water:" Adoption

Our "Out Upon the Water:" Adoption

Natalie Brenner
Adoption, Mama Bear

Then a time of waiting and infertility and uncertainties with my body...not conceiving a life after 6 months of trying, and then 8 months, and then two years.. the mystery of not knowing was painful, grief-stricken at times. My feet failed often in the way of walking without wavering on the waters, but I pressed on and in, continuously wanting to hand over the desires of my heart. Perpetually striving to believe that what He has is better than what I wanted presently. His will, not mine. The waters were more unsteady than the painful self-denial of choosing to forgive family/friends/close ones who burned deeper than I was ready for; learning to submit the desire to conceive and carry a baby is and was agonizing to my soul. It felt like the ripping of my literal heart.

My Transition Into Being a Mama

Natalie Brenner
Adoption, Mama Bear

I have been asked countless times how my transition into being a mama has been. "How are you doing with the big transition?" "Are you doing okay?" "Are you struggling at all?" "Are you worried about everything, its totally okay if you are, just checking in on you!" Such beautiful friends and loving questions and simply just, ah. I love my people.

A Mama Heart #bringhomebabybrenner

A Mama Heart #bringhomebabybrenner

Natalie Brenner
Adoption

You have made me Mama three times over. You were not the first born in my heart, nor were you in my womb, but you certainly were the first born to be placed into my arms. And boy do I love you. You were conceived in our hearts officially 9 months ago when we signed a contract with Susan VanSyckle through Christian Adoption Consultants to pursue you. The timing is more than I could have planned.

Adoption: not a means to pregnancy 

Adoption: not a means to pregnancy 

Natalie Brenner
Adoption, Infertility & Miscarriage

While Loren and I were in the thick of desiring our family to grow and it just not happening, we were praying about pursuing adoption sooner rather than later but were also confident we would still conceive and successfully carry a baby eventually, we had people who love us share stories about adoption and pregnancy following.

The stories are always frame-worked as though the adoption had something to do with the wife suddenly being able to become pregnant. It almost always sounded like this, "I have these friends who couldn't get pregnant so they adopted, and then they got pregnant. Have you guys thought about trying to adopt?"

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