Love Isn't Enough

Love isn’t enough for a relationship.

Hear this: I still love both fathers to my kids. And differently. No one really talks about this part of divorce or significant break up.

The only models I’d seen growing up of divorce were where 1 or both former-spouses HATED the other. I’ve unpacked this quite a bit; I see it stems from deep hurt/betrayal & facing that seems TOO MUCH so we instead hate. I get it.

I want to be intentional in not allowing my deep wounds turning into hate. At times I’m overcome by anger & do feel I hate the wounder, but in general I’m aware we are all wounded and some of us bleed all over the people we love most.

Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. 5-7 days a week I’m forced out of bed by two rapidly growing, changing, intense boys.

Today was a morning I laid in bed with my chill baby, the weight of love & loss crushing me. I didn’t want to get up.

Significant break ups & divorces don’t happen overnight, & typically the initiator still loves the other person. We don’t leave a relationship due to lack of love.

I can love someone with my whole self, & know the relationship dynamics are toxic, abusive, unhealthy, unsafe, etc. If it’s unhealthy for me, it is for them too. Leaving a relationship is a big painful deal, but at times it’s necessary.

I hear this a lot, “My husband keeps cheating/lying/degrading/XYZ but I love him so much. How do you know when it’s time?”

Sis, it’s likely past time.

You deserve more; more doesn’t mean from another relationship. More means.. inner peace, not betraying your intuition which GOD GAVE YOU, not allowing someone to use/abuse/take advantage of you.

Simply loving someone isn’t enough in most relationships, even if we really want it to be enough; you’ll find this true in marriages, dating, adoption, friendships, family.

I’m telling you: I carry grief from loving & losing 2 men I’ve created families with.

BUT the anxiety, confusion, constant questioning, numbing, etc? Living that is worse & typically an inhabitable place for peace.

You’re worth the whole world & more.