Infertility is NOT why I adopted

For the longest time I Ied with “infertility isn’t why we adopted; we wanted to become a family for a child.”

A phrase given to us by our Christian consultant agency, actually. They helped us see it that way.

My former husband & I talked about adoption while dating. We began saving for it monthly since our 1st month married. It was part of our desired family make-up.

But I had been told since age 12 conceiving & successfully carrying a baby would be difficult + dangerous. I knew from an early age adoption would be the way I’d build my family. Because of infertility &/or miscarriage.

Our 5 yr plan was to try for a biological child then start an adoption process.

2 years into trying to conceive we decided to pursue infant adoption; we existed in ignorance + lack of proximity to foster care & adoption.

We signed up w/ consultants w/ the quiet, but honest fear that “we weren’t prepared to handle an older child with ‘more’ trauma.”

I got pregnant that month.

I miscarried.

We were committed to this process of adoption & began reading, attending workshops, seeing all the things we were totally ignorant to.

I got pregnant again.

We continued presenting ourselves to moms with the mindset we were to be a family for a child.

I recently read there are 40 waiting APs for every baby placed thru DIA.

I didn’t want the second-best label slapped onto my kid, so I continuously made it clear infertility wasn’t what led us to adoption.

But I mean..it is. It drove us to pursue adoption when I struggled to conceive & carry.

Our children know & feel what we think we’ve hidden. Our children are wise.

If we can’t stop & acknowledge infertility is driving us to an {unethical} infant adoption industry…we can’t say we are pursuing Gods will.

God didn’t form families to be ripped apart.

Adoption exists because of utter systemic failure & lack of human rights/resources, but the system continues to fail b/c we uphold it.

We uphold it bc we want babies.

I’m not throwing stones; I’m part of this. Im not saying you’re a bad person.

The demand for babies needs to be unpacked.

I want to hold the hands of AP’s & urge us to do better: this HAS to start with getting honest.

-Natalie