Adoption and Divorce

The weight of realizing I was partaking in adding family wounds to my kids, especially the one who was adopted, was heavy.

I felt like I was failing him more than anyone.

We had worked SO HARD to be available to adopt. We made promises to each other, caseworkers, and even silently to our child’s birth family, our child. And we failed. I failed. 👉🏻 I carried these thoughts/realities deeply, and still at times I struggle with them.

Many of you have asked me about this. Adoption & divorce. Are we just stirring up more abandonment & rejection trauma? Is it better to remain in a dead, totally broken & bitter & dysfunctional marriage “but at least the kids have us together”...or to divorce with the hope of truly healing wounds & living wholly + fully?

It is a tragedy to need to shift your family structure, to dissolve a marriage, especially when children are involved.

I honestly believe it is also a tragedy to consistently model a toxic, dysfunctional, unsafe marriage. Sometimes it is overt and clearly abusive; other times it is subtle and hidden and repressed.

I’ve made a commitment to myself & my kids to no longer be available for unhealthy relationships.

I will not model life with a partner to them; if I do, it will be an (imperfect) picture of what I hope for THEIR future, if they decide to partner up with someone.

If divorce has or will or is happening, know that you aren’t alone.

There are some basic tips in the slideshow, feel free to save / share this post.

My hope is to be helpful as we continue navigating a life full of holistic healing.

There is grace here.