What I'm Learning

Jesus knew what He was saying when He said: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." (Matthew 6:34).

This summer has been an outstanding four months. It has also been [one of] the most overwhelming. For the month of August, I slept in my own bed for 9 nights and they were not consecutive. July wasn't much different with backpacking and family camp and family in town. I am such a home-girl. I love being home and our home is a place of sacred rest for me. Once upon a time I had this routine of waking up before the sun -Loren said even God wasn't awake - but I beg to differ because I would spend early morning moments with Him. In these moments I would rest, I would cry, I would celebrate.. I would simply join Him in His presence in the calm and in the quiet. Summer slowly simmered its way into these moments and I was needing to find different times for calm and quiet and completely transparent. This proved difficult because I am a creature of habit and routine, a slave to it, one might say. But as we need bread & water to survive, the Holy Spirit within me needs God's Word and presence to thrive. I made time throughout my days and my weeks and my months, but nothing neared the intimacy I once held in the living room before the sun rose.

Oregon Photographer, based in Corvallis

As September began, life's routine was slightly returning. We spent the first entire week in a yurt, which was a gift from one of our elder's(-in-the-making?) and his lovely wife. Upon the week's close, we made like cow crap and hit the road home. I was so ready to find a routine again but so fearful to enter back into one. The List of to-do's for fall launch, for photography, for doula-ing, for pillow making, for being a home maker and actually cleaning our dirty, filthy, dust-filled home, and now we are signing up for an art class.. Who has time to run? And then there is flat out living and being a human who follows Jesus and meeting with people for coffee and having family and you know...LIFE. All the things I love so dearly but as The list went on, the upcoming events piled high, and my fear was growing. The overwhelming sense that I might actually die because of The List was so very real, you guys. I kept telling Loren, "I think I might actually die." The poor guy and my high dramatic emotions.

I was this mixture of dreaming and casting visions, so excited and enthusiastic, with fearful dread of the future and The List. (I was not laughing without fear of the future, you guys! AKA I was not in a place of freedom!)

Coos Bay, Sunset Bay, OREGON

I am currently reading the gospels (first four books of the New Testament, in the Bible). Jesus's words hit my soul like a city bell. It sounds dramatic.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."

Don't worry about tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next. Today has enough. We are not called to carry the weight of the future upon our shoulders. Or within our puny little brains that will turn to mush.

You are not called to carry the weight of the future on your shoulders.

On a practical standpoint, I can look at the calendar, make a list of necessary to-do's that must get done today. And ask Jesus to give me the grace to finish today's work. What is left is left, and I need not worry about it until tomorrow arrives. I need not carry a weight of overwhelming fear or pressure. Today has enough. If I am focusing on next month's event and list, I will lose the gift in the moment. I will lose sight of the good, of the peaceful, of His love. I will rush forward and never spend a quiet moment with Him because I am too busy worrying about tomorrow. And if I have learned one thing in these young 22 years of life, it is that I operate very poorly as a human when I do not spend time in the quiet with Him. I have learned that the most important and most useful thing I can do is quiet my soul and let Him fill me up. Not look at my list and go do things.

Our identity need not lie in things as wavering and insecure as to do lists and performances.

|| "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" Matthew 6:27 ||

No. No they cannot. In fact, they speed our life up, forcing us into places we are not called to. Worries do not add moments and slow life down. Worries are thieves that steal away our present joy and freedom.

Will you join me today in not worrying about tomorrow, but instead live in today?  I hope to soak up my moments of life given to me, communing with Jesus Himself as I walk through my day.

And know, that His grace is sufficient for you. There is nothing left to do but humbly set our self down and ask Him to take over.

Sunset Bay, Coos Bay, Oregon

Coming soon:

>Where Team Brenner Began

>Weddings: the different sides I've experienced. --> coordinator, bridesmaid, attendee, bride

>Our Coos Bay trip, #brennersgoyurting