Do I make you uncomfortable?

One message that has not benefited me is: I must slink away, ignore my intuition, bow down, betray myself, become smaller when other people are uncomfortable due to their *own undealt with grief*

It is actually my first instinct, to make myself quieter. To bow out. Slink away, so that someone else can have the space that is actually mine because they don’t feel their space is enough. They want me to disappear so they’re comfortable enough with their space *and* mine.

But I’m working on not bending backwards, even if it sounds & looks better on surface for everyone else.

You know what making yourself smaller than necessary does?

It teaches your kids to betray them self too. And sometimes when we betray ourself, for another adult, we betray our kids: I’ve done this A LOT.

It sets the precedent that we should back out of important things, not show up when we should, not support our people, not stand up or kneel… solely based on the fact *someone else* hasn’t dealt with their STUFF. Someone else is uncomfortable.

Nope.
Not happening here.

That doesn’t mean I’m prideful, selfish, or whatever other negative label tries to force me to quiet down; it means I am showing up to the space I’ve been given as my entire self and expecting other adults to do the same. I’m not claiming anybody else’s space: just mine.

It means I’m not letting other people’s discomfort dictate my relationships with my children or others.

I can show up to my one, wild, & precious life (and my kids’s) without slinking down & disappearing to make others comfortable.

Has a nerve been hit today?
Yes.

But I think this is a pretty universal struggle, maybe?

Rant over.

-Natalie