If you've been following along this small journey of ours in this small corner of the world, you may [or may not] remember that we were presented for the first time two weeks ago. [Read that HERE].
You may be asking your wonderful self: what does being presented mean? Being presented is when the attorney or agency sends the adoptive parents a "situation" or "potential birth mom." You read up on all of the details, pray, and decide whether or not you want to be presented to her. If you say yes, which we did, the attorney meets with the Birth Mom and shows her 3 to 4 different Family Profile books. A family profile is a book all about the adoptive family and why they are awesome. Click here to see ours. She then chooses a family to interview.
I've been asked quite a few times what came of that presentation, the presentation which wrapped our hearts up into a young lady we've never met and prayed for her baby, due this September. Oh how deeply my heart wrapped around the girl I first knew of, the first opportunity, the girl whose story seemed so perfectly to fit into ours, and ours into hers. We prayed over her for nearly five weeks, daily, allowing our hearts to open up wide for love. We wrote her a letter, we dreamed of names for her baby boy, we imagined meeting her for the first time and then the second. Visions of walking with my friend Jesse, both with a baby strapped into us close, unfolded so quickly and so beautifully and so perfectly in my mind.
We were warned by many, "don't let your heart go there; be careful; she may not choose you; don't get excited." But how can we not "go there?" The warnings were loving and remain loving, I see that, but they are misunderstanding. To have the idea and notion that this girl may be carrying the baby we are growing in our heart...how can we not love her instantly? How can we not hope that she choose us?
Maybe after ten presentations and ten rejections our hearts will be more guarded, more closed off, less hopeful. But maybe not. Maybe He is using this to open our hearts wider than ever before, making space with the pain of waiting and rejection. Rejection that isn't really rejection.
She did not choose us. She chose two local couples to interview to parent her baby.
We were bummed. But we were at peace. The peace shocked me, because I was certain I would crash if she rejected us. But the praying heart I had was wrapped up in His divine protection, in His peace. We still pray for her by name; I still think of her often. She was used to open our hearts wider for love.
Hope is never wasted, even if what we Hope for is not coming to fruition as we imagined. As we hoped.
Hope is placing the beautiful and vulnerable parts of ourselves, our raw hearts, into His hands. Hope is letting Him know our desires, and trusting Him with our bleeding hearts.
Hope moves His heart.
About four hours before we had the email letting us know the Birth Mom did not choose us, our sister Lindsey called us ecstatic. "I may have a birth mom for you!" For a good four hours we were dreaming of having two adopted babies in five months. I knew it would look crazy and possibly be crazy, but I was hands wide open, ready for His blessings to pour in.
Here we are. We are being presented again, Monday the 13th. [Loren's birthday]. We have been praying over her for over two weeks and she has no idea we exist. When we hired our consultant, our Adoption Guide, we had the timeline that we would not be presenting to any Birth Moms until about August. By August our home study will be finished, we can apply to grants and agencies, and potentially begin being presented. Already, His fingerprints are all over the situation, exclaiming His power and glory. Shouting His authority, His way, His trustworthiness.
In these moments as we approach Monday, another opportunity, another chance to forge two families into one, another moment to open our hearts wide open, I covet your prayers. I am beyond thankful for Lindsey and her brave courage to step into Hoping with us. So often it feels like a lonely place, this place of raw and honest Hope, Hope clinging to Him, knowing He will turn the tide how He deems best. If you're the praying type, pray for us that we keep our Hope in Him. But also pray for this Birth Momma, that she would see through our family profile our love for one another and somehow the love we have for her and the unending love we plan and dream of covering our home in. Pray that she chooses us.
Have you purchased a puzzle piece? This is the fundraiser we decided to do and its FUN. For every puzzle piece purchased, your name(s) will be written on the back and we are having a two-sided clear frame to stick the masterpiece into...that way your name and the puzzle is showcased in our nursery forever and all time. I know, so cool.
How it works:
1) Decide how many puzzle pieces you want to purchase to financially support our adoption fund.
1 puzzle piece = $25
2) Click on the donate button below to give securely through PayPal
-OR-
Donate via check. Email us at nataliekbrenner@gmail.com and we will send your our address to mail in a check.
3) Watch the adoption puzzle come together on our blog and see your name be recognized. We will build the puzzle as you donate the pieces.
