Oh These Days of Pain.

Oh these days.I walk around in a haze of struggle craving to please the Lord with all that I say, wanting with all that I am to bring praise to His holy name. These days are filled with pain and joy; a rocky terrain with the sky pouring rain, rain that doesn't destroy but rain that is decoyed as joy.

Oh these days. Often I feel too deeply the pains of others. I let my heart and my mind completely join in with their suffers, allowing compassion to dig roots reaching into the depths of my being disputing for absolutes, that may not even be completely true. A curse it seems to experience such extremes and I frequently wonder, "Is this how I am supposed to be?" Feeling a strangers obvious ache, heartbreak for someone else's mistake; overtaking my heart, tearing it apart, bringing me to my knees calling upon Jesus imparting for this world.

Oh these days. Too often I look past the joys and straight to noise, forgetting to be thankful, to rejoice. I beg for His return which then brings on a burn for all of those lost and in concern, oh how does He discern? So then I ask for more time as we carry their weight of glory praying their stories join His.

Oh these days. I am reminded its real good that I am not in control for I would not know how to unroll history as a whole. Each life is so short and I crave for the souls of many to abort their distorted view of just how to cavort through this life. So often the belief to simply exist insists that we are here to assist no one but our self, to resist all temptation to care, the world tells us to dismiss the enlistment of Jesus' love. Oh so lost are so many but I must not obliterate the Truth that Jesus liberates removing the separate-ness of He and I. I must not forget that He died for my life [and yours] so that I can walk in the assurance of grace, without being denied or terrified. His face is turned towards me embracing my heart chasing me every day distaste is never a thing. For that I am forever grateful which turns my mourning into dancing keeping me deeply faithful. Shameful is no longer allowed, for that I keep my knees bowed praising His name so endowed. He lifts my spirits from the dark cloud reminding me not to fall into the drought.. but also saying "It is good, my child, to feel compassion throughout, because without carrying the weight of their glory you would not be fighting for My story."