By His Side: a letter

by his side Dear Handsome Husband of mine..

You amaze me. Your heart is gold and can only get goldener (yes, goldener). Sometimes I am easily irritable, and for that, I am sorry. It is nothing you have done, but is simply one of my flaws. It is the curse of selfishness, the problem of this life. But let's move past that and celebrate something beautiful, significant...lovely.

I get to be by your side.

And you are by mine.

I am incredibly flawed, but I know that you continue to cherish me. I know that you will stand by my side as protector, friend, supporter, and husband through it all. Through sickness and weak broken bodies...through health and tickle fights. Through infertility and parenting and empty nesting, growing old and wrinkly...saggy, we will stand together. Through ministry and home making and whatever else we decide to pursue...Doula-ing and Photography. You are always rooting me on and you always is who you are, it is in your nature, and I am beyond blessed to have you by my side. You are one of the most selfless beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Though you are imperfect (as all human beings tend to be), I will stand by your side through it all. That is what I committed when I stood before 200 some people and vowed, "I DO." Through painful days and heart wrenching months, I will stand by your side. Through poke wars (real ones, not on facebook) and weird voices and goofy toe points I will stand by you and smile. Some days I will be grouchy, and I apologize for that. Some days I will be exhausted, and I apologize for my lack of energy. But on those very same days, I will still proudly stand by your side. We are a team, Team Brenner. We are married and this is forever on earth, until death itself do us part. And that, my lovely man, is a cherish-able gift.

My husband, I am honored to be by your side. I am honored to make great leaps of faith with you; leaps like quitting your job so that you can pursue the calling God has placed on your heart to serve students with most of the time given to you. Leaps of loving others with a risk, dangerously. Leaps like welcoming a multitude of people into our home, our hearts. This thing we did, getting married, it changed us. It has taught us how deeply selfish we are and how deeply selfless we can be. It has taught us grace and patience, love and intimacy. It changed how we do life -- as we entwined our hearts together, our lives became one. Life will never be how it once was and that mystery is beautiful. Our vows were not conditional upon our feelings...but an unconditional decision. For this gift, I am thankful. I am thankful to continue growing together as we keep our eyes steady on Christ.

By your side I stand, through tough months financially, knowing we have all that we need and more. Reminding each other that money is just money. By your side I stand, through tough relationships that help us grow, knowing we are being molded more into His image, even if painful. By your side I stand, as you learn to check your email and respond. By your side I stand, as you grow this beard as long as you can and moisturize it with beard oil. By your side I stand, while you joke and joke and laugh and chuckle and joke some more. By your side I stand, when you dance around and get your groove on in the grocery store. By your side, I stand in the deep and muddy trenches, and on the tipiest of tops in the mountains. By your side I stand, literally and physically...but also when you are not around. I stand by you and want to honor you. By your side I stand, through all of the difficult parts of life and marriage and family and things, I have committed.

My husband, I adore you. I appreciate your patience with me as I grow. And I am honored to be by your side.

photo by K. Barnes Photography