Guest Post: I Told You!

We are on a roll with hosting guests! It is both of our {Loren & I} hearts to always be learning from those around us and encouraging others to keep learning and seek growth. One way to do this is to have guests post on the blog with what they have learned and the wisdom they have gained. Why not let us all learn and grow?! It is so exciting for me to introduce to you Kim Alston! I look up to Kim so very much. Kim has traveled all over this world, carting her kids with her, serving people in the name of Jesus Christ. She has adventures and stories from afar that inspire me to DREAM BIG and not allow my puny brain to put limits on our present and our "future."

Kim is a follower of Jesus, wife to Gerry, Momma to many {5? haha}, an amazing cook, and so much more.

I told you!!

Those were the words I uttered one day, and the look of defeat that followed, I’ll  never forget.

We have the power to lift, and build up, or tear down and destroy. We have the God-given ability to encourage, strengthen, and empower our spouse with our very words! We’ve been made in the image and likeness of our very creator! He created the universe, and everything in it with His words. We’re not God, but we were created to be like him, and speak His words of life.

James 3:3-6, 9 "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Our tongue, our words, can either be an instrument to bring life and blessings, or pain and hurt."

When my daughter Audrey was little, she was a very easy going baby, only crying when she needed something. A friend of ours came up to us while she was crying and made the statement, “She has such a temper!”

Instead of correcting her, I simply said, “Yea,” and agreed with her. From then on, Audrey began acting totally out of character, throwing fits and tantrums.

I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of those words that I agreed with. I quickly repented, and asked for forgiveness, and spoke life over my child. She changed just as quickly, back to her sweet demeanor. I’ll never forget that! Our words are powerful! I’m not talking about something mystical or weird, but God has told us in his word that our words can either bless or curse.

We are responsible for what we say and agree with.

Matthew 12:36-37 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.

Let your words empower your spouse! For some, this is hard…speaking something nice, oddly enough, can sometimes be difficult. Especially if there’s been a lot of bickering and “slamming on each other” going on.

But, it’s crucial for your own sake that you do! When you’re married, you’re one.

When you speak words that hurt, you’re hurting yourself!

Ephesians 4:29-30 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

It’s interesting how the Word says it may benefit those who listen. Have you ever been in a group setting and there’s that one couple who’s always bickering, and saying mean things to each other. It bothers you doesn’t it? It grieves the Holy Spirit inside of you. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying do your bickering in private. I’m saying, make a point to always, always build each other up, and never say words that intentionally hurt.

There will be times when you say something and it’s taken wrong. Those times will happen. We are all plagued by our own insecurities and shame voices. I can say something like, “We’ve got this bill coming up, so we need to watch what we spend,” and my husband would take it as, “You don’t make enough money!” We all have our own voices inside our heads that can twist something that was said innocently. In those instances, be gracious with one another. Talk calmly about what you heard.

Sometimes we’ll ask each other, “This is what I heard, is that what you meant?”

Make a point to never say, “I told you”—in word or action. You may be right most of the time, especially if you’re sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading, but if you brag on that, it will make your spouse feel stupid and defensive when another situation arises. When a decision needs to be made, and you both are discussing it, don’t bring up all the times that you were right and they were wrong. That isn’t love. There’s been many times where my husband and I have talked at length about which way is best. We each feel our way is right. As a wife, I will tell him the reasons why I feel a certain way about a situation, but if we’re not in agreement, I’ll leave it up to him to make the final say. A lot of times after going to God, I found Him changing me.

There can be so many factors involved in why we feel the way we do—fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear that we’re going to make the same mistakes.

A lot of times we seem to be going through the same situations over and over again. That may be God giving you both a chance to do it right this time.

Trust God! He will never leave you or forsake you. Trust God in your spouse, and speak life over them. God will honor you in that.

Kim Alston